


never again

by sleepystar123



Category: The Ultimate Sidemen
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Age Changes, Alternate Universe - Career, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Bulimia, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Drugs, Eating Disorders, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecurity, M/M, One Night Stands, One-Sided Attraction, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Partying, Recreational Drug Use, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Trauma, there is so much going on, this is a mess listen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-22 08:11:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11376147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepystar123/pseuds/sleepystar123
Summary: *STORY*; in which the happiness of two people causes the complete heartbreak of another, and everything goes downhill from there(listen i suck at summaries. i'll edit this as i come up with better ideas)





	1. zero ; details

**Author's Note:**

> hello, and welcome to my first actual proper story on archive! i'm excited!  
> this right here, obviously, is not an actual chapter. seeing as this story takes place in an au, i decided to have a page with certain details, so they would be easy to find if need be  
> i also included a playlist because i've been super into making them lately?? idk??

**_—ages;_ **

**_josh bradley_ ** _\- 19 **;**   **tobi brown** \- 19 **;**   **ethan payne** \- 19 **;**   **lachlan power** \- 19 **; simon minter** \- 18 **; vikram barn** 18  **; olajide "jide/jj" olatunji** \- 18 **; harry lewis** \- 18_

 

_**—location;** _

_a fictional city in england, united kingdom_

 

**_**—playlist;** _ **

**_**friends**_** _chase atlantic **|** **i won't give in** asking alexandria  **| ocean eyes** billie eilish  **| satellite** all time low  **| life of the party** all time low  **| my heart i surrender** i prevail  **| perfect** mariana's trench **| memo** years & years **|** **iris** goo goo dolls (sleeping with sirens cover)  **| save me** hollywood undead  **|** **can't sleep** vanic x k.flay  **| all time low** jon bellion  **| give me novacaine** green day **| wrapped around your finger** five seconds of summer  **| idfc** black bear_

**_****_** __(list subject to change)_ _ **_**** _ **

 

 


	2. one ; never again

"never again," vikram 'vik' barn stated with a chuckle as he ruffled his hair, sending bits of popcorn flying to the ground.

ethan payne scoffed through his laughter at the sight, as well as the statement, remembering the numerous times vik, or someone else, has said that exact same thing. "bullshit. you know this isn't the last time."

"it really should be, though, shouldn't it?" tobit 'tobi' brown argued, his own amusement slowly falling from his face as he grabbed trash bags from the cabinet. "we really shouldn't be screwing around at work."

ethan rolled his eyes and turned away from the lad. this, as well, was nothing new. it was a regular occurrence by now  _—_ it could almost be considered part of the closing routine. working at a movie theatre wasn't always as fun as one may think, so ethan and his mates often had to come up with their own means of entertainment. usually, that meant food fights after hours. the popcorn was meant to be thrown away regardless, so why not have a little fun with it first?

that's how the majority of them saw it, anyway. tobi, vik, and another mate joshua bradley, had all voiced their concerns over the food fights. they worried they would get fired over it. which ethan might have understood, had they worked for some random person. but they didn't, they worked for ethan's father. he owned the theatre, as well as a few other ones around the city. ethan's father would never fire him or his friends, he knew it. not over food fights.

"relax, tobi. nobody cares that we're screwing around, as long as we clean it all up and get out of here at a decent hour," simon minter spoke up, from where he had already started sweeping popcorn into a dust pan on the other side of the registers.

"exactly!" ethan exclaimed, gesturing to simon as he turned back to tobi, "see, simon gets it. my dad literally couldn't care less about what we do as long as we make money, do our job, and get out of here relatively quickly. he doesn't care if we throw popcorn  _—_ that's going in the trash anyway, remember?  _—_ at each other as long as we pick it up."

"tobi's concerns are valid, though," vik said, grabbing a broom of his own and joining simon. 

"'tobi's concerns are valid, though'," ethan mocked, earning snickers from simon and josh. 

"oi, rude." vik frowned, and ethan simply shrugged before disappearing to the back, where harry lewis and olajide 'jide'/'jj' olatunji had retreated to when the food fight had started dying down. 

"you know it was just banter," simon said, studying the frown on vik's face. "c'mon, babe, it wasn't that serious." he draped his arm around vik's shoulders and gently pulled him into his side, smiling down at the much shorter lad.

that was all it took for vik's mood to instantly rise. he lit up at the name simon had called him __—_ babe  _—__  and his heart raced happily at how close they were. this wasn't anything new by any means, but every time things like this happened, it always felt like the first time for vik. he didn't think he would ever get used to it. he certainly wouldn't mind if he didn't.

"right, if you two are done, can we continue cleaning? i want to get the hell out of here," tobi spoke up, though the amused smirk on his lips contradicted his annoyed tone.

"you're just jealous because you're lonely," simon teased, though he let go of vik and returned to sweeping.

"oi, fuck off, i am not!" tobi argued, to which josh laughed.

"we'll find you someone, mate, don't worry," he said, and tobi rolled his eyes.

"you all suck."

 

* * *

 

"i know that it's just you two living here, but you've seriously got fuck all for food," jide complained to josh and tobi as he walked back into the lounge, a bag of crisps in hand.

josh glanced away from the television and towards jj, offering him a shrug. "you know what we keep in the house. if you want more, feel free to buy shit and stock the cabinets. we won't stop you."

as per usual, after finishing closing the theatre, everyone came to josh and tobi's house. they were the only ones out of the seven friends who lived in a proper house (due to the fact that they were the only ones who could actually afford it). they've known each other since secondary school, so they had been planning on moving in together for years. they extended invitations to the rest of the lads, but everyone had other living arrangements they were happy with. well, almost everyone. 

josh and jide's chatter sounded far away to vik, who hasn't paid attention to anyone but simon since the interaction with tobi back in the theatre. he and simon were cuddled together on one of josh and tobi's many couches, pretending they were actually paying attention to the show on the television. vik wasn't even sure what show it was, he spent so much more time looking at simon than the screen. 

vik just wished simon would look at him back. 

simon had his arm wrapped around vik again, holding him close against him. vik's legs were across simon's lap, simon's free hand resting on one of vik's legs. every now and then vik felt simon's fingers draw random things on his thigh. he tightened his arms around simon's middle and looked up at him once more. he craned his neck to follow simon's eyes, which led vik to looking josh, who's now turned completely away from the television and looking down at jide's phone.

vik bit down on the insides of his cheeks and tried to swallow his anger. the tiniest part of him hated josh, purely because he was jealous of him. simon was holding vik but he was looking at josh. simon was always fucking looking at josh. vik knew he had no right to be jealous. he and simon weren't dating, that had been agreed upon by the both of them. it was more of a friends-with-benefits sort of thing. kind of. it was complicated. 

simon sneaked looks at josh whenever he thought he could get away with it. when he thought everyone else had their eyes else where, his focused on josh. he didn't know what was so interesting about jide's phone, but he wanted to. part of simon wanted to go over there and see, but the other part wanted to stay right where he is with vik. he chose to listen to the latter part. and though he looked away from josh every now and then, so he felt less creepy, he couldn't stop himself from continuing to glance.

that is, until josh's own phone became more interesting that jide's. and no one in the room had to wonder why.

"c'mon, man. i'm trying to show you a  _five minute_ video. freya will live if she waits five minutes for a reply," jide complained, and simon clenched his jaw.

fucking freya nightingale. 

josh paid no mind to jj, grinning down at his phone as he quickly tapped out responses. simon turned away from josh, and jide, and the television. he looked down at vik, who was looking at the television. simon let go of vik's leg and wrapped that arm around vik as well, now essentially hugging vik to his chest. vik's heart rate increased, hammering against his chest. he looked away from the television and up at simon, who was already looking at him. finally, simon was looking at him.

vik smiled, genuinely, and simon returned it. he leaned down, pulling vik up a bit and even closer to him as simon pressed his face into the crook of vik's neck. vik's breathing hitched, and his smile grew into a grin as he closed his eyes and laid his forehead against simon. 

"thank you," simon whispered, so quietly that even vik almost missed it.

"for what?" he questioned, his voice just as low.

simon gently squeezed vik, and smiled softly as he shut his eyes as well. "this."


	3. two ; sidehoe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alcohol is bought and consumed in this story! (talked about and bought in the very beginning, and consumed towards the end)

"so what the hell is going on between you two, then?" ethan asked (the third time he has, but who's keeping count?) through a mouth full of candy. "if you're not dating, what is it? are you just his sidehoe until josh and freya break up?" he proper laughed at that, as did jide.

vik failed to find any drop of humor in the statement. snarky remarks rolled through his head, though he bit his tongue. he decided to simply change the subject, not wanting to have this argument at all today. "didn't your mum ever teach you not to talk with food in your mouth?" 

"don't change the subject," jide stated, noticing right away what vik tried to do. "c'mon, then. it really is just a friends-with-benefits ting, innit?" he guessed, smirking, which only added to vik's annoyance.

"i told you guys: it's complicated." vik ran a hand through his short, black hair, not looking at either of them.

the trio sat in the lounge of vik, jide, and simon's flat. they are the only three of their friends who aren't currently attending a university, each for various reasons. jide is currently interning for a recording studio up in london, which is only a forty five minute drive away. he's really into music, and dreams of making it big in the business someday. jide hopes working around and with musicians in the studio will help him jump start his career. that, along with the videos he posts on  _youtube_. he's so confident in all of this, he thinks he should focus one hundred percent on it, and not even bother with uni.

ethan's father owns a chain of movie theatres around the city, which are all incredibly popular. which is really only due to the fact that they're the only nice theatres in the town. there are two others, but they're tiny, and the few times the lads went down to check them out, they looked sort of abandoned. there were workers there, but they looked like they gave fuck all about the place. and apparently, ethan's father has promised ethan the theatres when he can no longer be bothered to run them. movie theatres don't seem to be a thing that will die any time soon, so ethan has confidence he'll be able to make a living off of them.

and vik, well. he just really doesn't know what the fuck he would do in uni. he always bounced around from idea to idea on what his dream career was, never really settling down on one long enough to actually choose it. the things that always interested him seemed... too out of reach. they didn't feel attainable to him. not only that, but all of his ideas so far only really seemed fun in theory. he had yet to come across something he actually, realistically, would want to do for the rest of his life. and yeah, vik knew he could still enroll in a university, do his generals, and think of things while he did that. but what if he finished his generals and still hadn't decided? vik preferred to go into uni with an idea of what he wanted to do. if he hasn't chosen something in these eighteen years he's been around, he doubts he magically will in one year of generals. 

"how complicated could it really be?" ethan questioned, rolling his eyes. 

this isn't the first time the two have interrogated vik about his relationship with simon. vik never had an actual answer, other than 'it's complicated'. to him, it really is complicated. he didn't know for sure what their label is. friends-with-benefits sort of described it the best, but... that didn't sit very well with vik. something about it, just... made him uncomfortable. he didn't like the idea of him and simon only being friends-with-benefits. plus, friends-with-benefits is usually a secret thing, isn't it? and they aren't exactly secret.

"i dunno, about as complicated as you and harry?" vik shot back.

jide's eyes widened, and he turned to ethan, snickering. all traces of amusement had dropped from ethan's face, however. vik would've felt bad if that wasn't the only way to get him to shut up about him and simon. harry and ethan claimed they were nothing but friends (that 'neither of us are fuckin' gay, mate, jesus christ'), but the other five thought otherwise. the way they acted sometimes was, in fact, pretty fuckin' gay. 

"there's nothing complicated about harry and i, you prick," ethan spat, glaring at vik. vik held his hands up in mock surrender, and ethan rolled his eyes. "whatever. anyway, i've been meaning to bring it up: why don't we throw a party tonight?"

"hell yeah!" jide agreed immediately, grinning. no surprise there. 

"yeah!" ethan grinned and high fived jide, already knowing he'd have the support of jide. "how about it, vik?" 

vik shrugged. he isn't always necessarily the biggest party animal. he was all for it when it was just the seven of them, but it was never that way for long. someone (usually jide) always ended up inviting a bunch of people, and vik didn't care for that. he loved the alcohol, though, and simon always cranked up the affection at parties, which is certainly nice. after a moment of pondering, he gave ethan a smile and nodded, which ethan took as a silent approval. he and jide cheered, and immediately began reaching for their wallets.

"let's focus on the most important thing, first," ethan starts, slamming down his wad of cash on the coffee table, "how much alcohol do we want slash need?"

"we still have quite a bit in a cabinet somewhere leftover from the last party," jide stated, adding his money to the pile before standing up. he started walking towards the kitchen, though he paused and turned back around. "unless vik drank it all during a late night depression session," he joked, looking at vik.

vik knew that jab was meant to be banter, but it hit a nerve. he decided not to let it show, and simply laughed, denying the accusation. jide laughed, then continued on to the kitchen. vik's smile faded quick, and he tossed his money into the pile before leaning back against the couch. it was only a few months ago that those had stopped (in fifteen days, it would be exactly five months since his last depression-induced alcohol binge alone in his room). in all reality, though, vik just stopped doing it pathetically alone in his room. the amounts of alcohol he drank at parties were equal, if not greater, to what he consumed in his room. but since it was at a party, his friends deemed it much more 'normal'. for some reason, it was much more worrying if he did it by himself, in his room. vik didn't entirely understand, but he didn't complain. 

jide returned a few moments later, breaking the silence that had fallen over the lounge.

"it depends on how many people are attending," jide stated. 

"well, i would say just the seven of us, but you're going to invite a bunch of people, aren't you?" ethan inquired, chuckling. when jide nodded, ethan copied the motion. "let's just plan for a big party, then. do you remember how much we got last time? if we go a little below that, it should be perfect."

as ethan and jide planned out parties items, vik stood from the couch and walked out of the lounge, an action completely unnoticed by the other two. he retreated to his bedroom, where he shut the door behind him and fell onto his bed. he crawled up to the top of the bed, retrieving his phone from where it lay on his nightstand charging. there were a few texts from simon, which instantly made him smile. he unlocked his phone and responded to the messages. vik decided it would be a good idea to inform simon of the party now, as well. his smile widened at the thought, again, of he and simon at the party.

 **_vik —_ ** _just so you know, ethan and jide are planning a party for tonight! :)_

 **_simon —_ ** _sick!_

 **_simon —_ ** _at josh and tobi's house, as usual?_

 **_vik —_ ** _i assume so lol_

 **_simon —_ ** _i'll let them know :)_

 **_simon —_ ** _i'll just hang around their place until the party begins, then x_

 **_simon —_ ** _feel free to come around if you can't wait until the beginning of the party to see me ;) x_

the cheeky bastard. vik didn't want to admit it, but he  _absolutely_ wanted to come around early. he would never say it, but he always missed simon while he was away at uni. vik wanted to see him as soon as he got out. he already couldn't wait.

 

* * *

 

"fuck, did jide invite the whole town?!" tobi yelled to vik, who struggled to hear him clearly over the blaring music and loud voices.

"who cares?!" a giggly simon cut in, wrapping his arm tightly around vik. 

in that moment, vik couldn't have cared less. 

the night has been as amazing as vik imagined. naturally, josh invited freya to the party. the couple have been inseparable since they met up on the uni campus. and therefore, so have simon and vik. vik is pretty sure simon has shown him more affection in this one night than he has in weeks, since whenever their last party was, and honestly, it made vik happier than absolutely anything. he knows it's because josh is with freya, and part of him knows simon needs a distraction from it, but vik tried not to let that part grow too big. he didn't want to hear it. he didn't want to care about why he's getting the affection, he just wants to be happy about it. 

and he definitely is. vik's cheeks are hurting from how much he's been smiling, but he didn't mind. it's a good kind of pain, a pain that seemed to numb a little bit with each drink he had. he's racking up quite a total already, but he didn't care about that, either. all vik cared about was simon. simon dragged him over to one of the couches, both of them kind of falling onto it, giggling. somehow, they had chosen a spot where simon now had a perfect view of josh... and freya.

simon's eyes narrowed, and he rose his hand to chug the drink in his hand as he watched the two. the alcohol burnt going down, but simon didn't care. the nausea he's feeling from seeing josh and freya is much more prominent. who the hell does freya think she is? simon shook his head and quickly finished his drink, discarding into a bin that had been moved into the room. he turned to vik and kissed him briefly on the lips, quickly moving down to his neck. he closed his eyes and tried to focus fully on vik. vik, vik, vik. not on josh. not on freya. not on josh and freya, who might be doing this exact same thing right now...

_no._

vik ran his hand through simon's hair, and simon squeezed his eyes shut, trying to forget about anyone and everyone who isn't vik.

 

**{ * * * }**

 

it actually worked for a while. which shouldn't have surprised simon at all, considering the same thing happened at every party. after he got enough alcohol in his system, and had moved to a separate room from josh and freya, vik was truly the only thing on his mind. for quite a few hours, it was like the two were in their own world. they danced, laughed, and were yelled at lots of times to 'get a room' when they took breaks from dancing to do things much more fun on the couch. it was all just kisses, but they got pretty damn heated. sober, neither of them would dare do this in such a crowded room, but drunk, they just didn't care. it was so unbelievably liberating.

things were going really well for the both of them, until simon caught sight of josh and freya, who also seemed to not care about getting heated in a crowded room. when it looked like things might start to go beyond kissing for them, simon decided he had enough and stumbled to his feet. he grabbed vik's hand, pulling him off the sofa and down the hall, into one of the few guest rooms in the house. he locked the door and pushed vik against it a moment later, quickly getting his intentions across to vik. of course, the shorter boy had no objections. they didn't go all the way often, but when they did, vik was always completely up for it.

 

**{ skip bc mmm i dont write smut rip }**

 

"have you guys seen simon or vik?!" 

tobi and callum 'cal' airey exchanged looks before shaking their heads. tobi has been outside the majority of the evening, honestly. he didn't drink alcohol, and being surrounded by all the drunk people was getting on his nerves. he didn't mind it normally, but for some reason, it was intolerable tonight. cal has only been here about half an hour, having finally given in to tobi's pleas to drop by and provide him some sober company. 

"why are you looking for them?!" tobi yelled to jide, confused.

jide grinned. "someone just came up with this absolutely mad mixed drink, and i will pay actual money to see their reactions to it."

tobi rolled his eyes, while cal looked intrigued. noticing the look, tobi loudly reminded cal why he's here and, after wishing jide good luck on his quest, dragged his sober friend away. he's not about to lose cal to the temptation of jide's new drink. 

jide rolled his eyes and stumbled away, determined to find his friends. no one seemed to have any answers, until a few people thought they remembered seeing the pair walking down the hall. jide laughed, realizing why he hasn't been able to find them. they've been getting busy! he wondered for a brief moment if he should wait until they leave the room themselves, but quickly decided he isn't patient enough for that. if he catches them in the act, he's drunk enough that he won't remember it tomorrow. 

he decided to just go room to room, grabbing the handle of the first one he saw and opening it.

"—can't you just have a good time?!" a familiar male voice yelled, though it's not simon or vik's. 

"it's kind of hard when you're constantly looking for your fucking  _boyfriend_!" a female voice shouted back.

oh shit. jide recognized their voices instantly.

"oh, fuck's sake, freya!" josh yelled. "why are you still on about this?!"

"what do you mean?! nothing has changed since—!"

jide stumbled, slamming the door open as he tumbled in, trying not to lose his balance. freya stopped instantly, both of them turning to look at jide. once he caught himself, he stood up straight. he laughed and held his hands up as he backed out.

"carry on! m'just looking for a couple, but not this couple, so i'll be off!" he walked out into the hallway, and watched as freya stormed over to the door, slamming it shut. he stood there for a moment, before stating 'yikes' out loud, and continuing on his quest to find simon and vik. that whole situation is something he'll talk to josh about when he's sober. he won't worry about it now.

right now, all he'll worry about is getting simon and vik to drink with him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol this is kinda shit, i hope y'all like it tho.

**Author's Note:**

> as noted in the tags, this story will contain potentially-triggering material. these things won't really come until later in the story, and i will put warnings in beginning notes of when things pop up. anxiety and alcohol are frequent happenings in this story. i will include in beginning notes when alcohol and/or drugs are consumed, and when anxiety is prominent/panic attacks occur
> 
> with all that being said, i hope you guys enjoy the story. it's going to be a wild ride ;)


End file.
